Z: (Stands, folds his fingers around an imaginary jacket like an old world statesman, and peacocks about the office) Allow me to bore you.
A: Bore me away to where?
Z: Not that bore the other bore.
A: (Looks confused but nods to give the go ahead)
Z: (He pauses before the computer and stares diligently at the screen, his voice booming) Today is National Mole Day. Celebrated annually on October 23 from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m., Mole Day commemorates Avogadro's Number (6.02 x 1023), which is a basic measuring unit in chemistry. Mole Day was created as a way to foster interest in chemistry. Schools throughout the United States and around the world celebrate Mole Day with various activities related to chemistry and/or moles. (Pauses, clears his throat, coughs, begins to choke on phlegm, spits into a hankie, and continues) For a given molecule, one mole is a mass (in grams) whose number is equal to the molar mass of the molecule. For example, the water molecule has an molar mass of 18, therefore one mole of water weighs 18 grams. Similarly, a mole of neon has a molar mass of 20 grams. In general, one mole of any substance contains Avogadro's Number of molecules or atoms of that substance. This relationship was first discovered by Amadeo Avogadro (1776-1858) and he received credit for this after his death. (Zi points to the computer screen) Bored done! Maybe!
A: Interesting... not! (Face brightens as she finds her own mirth) What do you do when life gives you moles... make le-mole-ade.
Z: (Sighs the sigh of the superior witter, in jest, but sounds serious) Not the right mole.
A: What did the mother say to her mole son? ... Mole the grass!
Z: Again, not the right mole.
A: What's the mole's favorite Disney Movie? ... The Little Molemaid.
Z: Holy Moley, Batman!
A: (Thinking his response was encouragement to go on, she does) What does Avogadro get when he mixes ice cream, chocolate syrup, and malted milk together? ... A chocolate moleted.
Z: What's blind and moley?
A: Every mole.
Z: (Gets that crazed look in his eyes, puffs out his chest and without hardly breathing begins to exclaim with vim and vigor) Why is it bad to tell mole jokes? ... It's mole-itically incorrect. What is a mole's favorite movie? ... The Green Mole. What did Avogadro teach his students in math class? ... Moletiplication. What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer? ... Watermolens. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole? ... Avocados number! If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see? ... A mole of molasses! (Puffs and huffs, a bit winded...)
A: (Flips out her cell phone, finger ready to speed dial 911)
Z: (Holds up a hand to stop her, while the other hand lays flat against his chest. Slowly, he turns, inch by inch, step by step, and then spins about, calm once more, but not fully rationally as he continues his rant) What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate? ... Marsh-mole-ows! How does Avogadro write to his friends? ... By e-mole! Why is Avogadro so rich? ... He's a multi-mole-ionare! Why was there only one Avogadro? ... When they made him, they broke the Mole. What kept Avogadro in bed for two months? ... Moleonucleosis. What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots? ... A bunch of Moleasses. What line from Shakespeare do high school moles have to memorize? ... "To mole or not to mole, this is the question." How do moles finance their homes? ... With a molergage! What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream? ... Oil of Molay (Takes in another deep breath. Determination etched on his face... sweat popping out on his brow... eyes bulging... chest double bulging with grit and girth)
A: (Again Ang is ready to call in the cavalry... keeps a stern eye on him as he gulps in great draughts of air until he catches his breath)
Z: (There is no stopping him now. He is on a quest, fully loaded and ready to spit every ounce of mole wit in his brainiac arsenal) What did one mole say to the other? ... We make great chemistry together. Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th? ... He was only tense to the 23rd! Why is Avogadro in love with Cindy Crawford? ... She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole). What did the generous mole say when his friends crashed his party? ... The mole the merrier! What is a mole's favorite television show? ... Molerose place. What is Avogadro's favorite day of the week? ... Moleday. How would you describe a stinky chemist? ... Mole-odorous. What kind of test do student moles like best? ... Mole-tiple choice. How much does Avogadro exaggerate? ... He makes mountains out of mole hills. What element do moles love to study in chemistry? ... Molybdenum. What is Avogadro's favorite kind of music? ... Rock 'N' Mole. (He lifts his fists into the air, pounds them downward, determined to wring out the last of it)
A: (In awe, she watches and mutters encouragement) Go Zi! Go!
Z: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together? ... A chocolate Molted. What happens when a mole bites a dog? ... He becomes Moleicious! Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most? ... Father Molecahy. What was Avogadro's favorite Indian tribe? ... The Molehawks. What are mammoles? ... Four-legged animoles! Why can't Avogadro have pets. ... Because he will mole them.
A: Enough mole inanity!
Z: Told you I'd bore you!
BOOK NOOKIE BY VIXEN BRIGHT AND ZACHARY ZANE EXCERPT
“Fear not my judgment.”
“Was it love that hurt so deep?”
“I was young and thought so.”
“The trauma from lost passion leaves more than physical scars.”
She didn’t respond, but instead gave into a period of silence. She didn’t want him seeing her as a victim of love’s torture. She would have preferred he’d view her as an alluring woman, a sensuous being he’d crave and long to fuck.
“The ride normally wouldn’t take this long, but the snow—” He flipped his hand upward and shrugged. “It will probably be an hour or so more. Is there anything I can do to ease your discomfort?”
What discomfort had he seen? Could he tell that her physical aches were nothing compared to her pussy’s yearnings? What was wrong with her? She needed to protect herself. “Nay,” she said, trying to keep the quiver from her tone. Drat, his concern frayed her brittle emotions. She reasoned she did not need that. Tears threatened to flow, tears and the need to curl up into this stranger’s strong arms. His formable manner, sophisticated brawn and soft touch were an inviting hideaway as much as his natural sensuality was an invitation to taste and explore.
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