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ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY by Tracy Bloom
Never has a one-night stand led to such chaos!
Childhood sweethearts Matthew and Katy agree they must never see each other again after they end up in bed together following a school re-union.
So all is forgotten... until eight months later when a shock meeting at an antenatal class forces them to confront the fact that Matthew could be the father of Katy's baby. Oblivious to the mayhem unfolding, Matthew's highly-strung wife frets over giving birth to twins and Katy’s much younger boyfriend refuses to take fatherhood seriously.
Love and life are messy but Katy and Matthew take things to a whole new level as deep emotions begin to resurface and hormones run riot. How will they navigate their way through this almighty cock-up?
There are those who get to choose the father of their child and those who don’t. Those who spend years sifting through the giant haystack that is the male population and those who get unexpectedly ambushed.
Katy never thought that she would be one of those who got ambushed. She certainly never thought that at thirty-six she would be pregnant, unmarried and with a boyfriend eight years younger than herself. A boyfriend who was now sitting beside her dressed in his football kit, as they drove off for their first antenatal class. She felt sick. She put this down to pre-class nerves and the fact that Ben had come straight from school, where he was a PE teacher, smelling unpleasantly of gym shoes, teenage-boy sweat and mashed potato. As she stared across at him she comforted herself with the knowledge that at least she could rely on him to offer up some well-thought-out words of wisdom to help calm her fears.
“So this guy at work says that all you do in these classes is talk about tits and fannies for two hours. How good is that?”
Katy continued to stare at Ben for a moment then sighed and put the car into gear.
“Please don’t say that,” she said wearily as they drove off.
“Say what?” asked Ben as he fiddled with every knob, switch and dial he could reach on Katy’s dashboard.
“Fannies,” said Katy, slapping his fingers.
“It’s better than a lot of other words for it,” said Ben. “I mean I could say…”
“No, no more words,” interrupted Katy “You know my Gran wouldn’t like it.”
“Why? Is she coming with us?” said Ben, pulling open the glove box and peering inside.
“Her name was Fanny, I’ve told you that before,” said Katy, starting to lose patience.
Ben turned to stare at Katy in complete admiration.
“You have never ever told me that. That’s exactly the sort of information that makes my life worthwhile and certainly not something I’d forget.”
“Really,” said Katy. She hesitated, wondering if she wanted to continue the conversation before realising that what she was about to say would probably make Ben’s day. “So I’ve never told you her surname either then?” she asked him.
Ben paused for a moment deep in thought until he erupted enthusiastically.
“Vagina. Must have been vagina,” he said, bouncing up and down. “Please tell me it was vagina and I will die a happy man.”
“Mycock actually,” said Katy more than a little triumphantly.
Ben stared at her again in shock, his mouth hanging open.
“You are kidding me,” he said finally. “Her parents called her Fanny with a surname like Mycock. Were they insane?”
“No stupid. Mycock was her married name. She wasn’t born a Mycock.”
“She was called Fanny and married Mr. Mycock?”
Ben was quiet for some time before he declared solemnly, “Your Gran was a comedy genius.”
Author Bio and links:
Tracy Bloom started writing when her cruel, heartless husband ripped her away from her dream job shopping for rollercoasters for the
theme parks, to live in UK with a brand
new baby and no mates. In a cunning plan to avoid domestic duties and people
who didn't understand her Derbyshire accent, she wrote NO- America ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A
TUESDAY. She soon found however that her new American
friends took a shine to her British sense of humour and encouraged her to share
her words with a wider audience. NO- ONE
SEX ON A TUESDAY went on to be successfully published internationally providing
with a new dream job, making people laugh and sometimes cry through her
Back in good old England now (desperately missing drive-through Starbucks, 30- Rock, NPR and people who talk to you in the street without thinking you're a weido) and cracking on with writing about other people who screw up their lives in a hilarious fashion including a sequel, NO-
AFTER A BABY.NO-
ONE EVER HAS SEX ON A TUESDAY has been
published in , Germany , Italy , Poland , and will be released in Serbia this Summer. Brazil
Email: email@example.com: www.facebook.com/tracybloomwrites