With the release of their erotica novel STEEL EMBRACE pending this month, we have handed our weekly blog over to Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane, writers published with Carnal Passion. ~ Angelica and Zi
Bright: What is our subject today?
Zane: The unexpected.
B: I didn't expect that.
Z: Yet -- everyone expected that joke. (He floated a nose of righteous indignation)
B: Ohh! (She gave Zane the hairy-eye ball suggesting that she did not like being embarrassed, implying he should sit on it and rotate rapidly to the left, as Bright texted the message...I will git you!)
Z: You know that I have this thing about clichés and others over used sayings?
B: I know. It's okay using them in the stream of conscious first draft but re-write them in the final copy.
Z: Bingo-bango (an example of re-writing bingo)(Zane reads her message and return texted...Thanks, coffee cream only!)
B: We have both agreed that giving the reader something unexpected is a gift and one we strive to do. (Bright studied Zane) What are you doing?
Z: My geriatric senile dog needs diapers so I am cutting a tail hole in this pamper. Want to help me put it on?
B: I'll pass.
Z: Help! (The old lab started scooting away, its dongs swinging as it urinated, leaving a pee path that one might liken to the travel trail seen in Family Circus.)
B: I'll be there. (She shook her head self-querying, what is next?) Here is a short parody piece we wrote in THE SIN IN CINDERELLA.
BLUE FAIRY
T'was a lass I once knew from the north of Ipswich
Knew in the biblical sense...we did the dirty twitch
Poison Ivy was her nickname
Because of a peculiar claim
You got the itch...she's scratch it...afterwards you'd itch ~ Wrye Balderdash
Elsewhere in Hamlet. A ninety year old lady was on her way to the gynecologist due to a itchy rash in her puss-puss. (She called it that, not the authors)
When she arrived Doc Pinch N. Prod, checked her out and asked, "When is the last time you've had sex?"
Befuddled the old lady replied that she was still a virgin. "I'm still a virgin."
Doc for the expressed purpose of being thorough checked out her puss-puss again.
"Well, Doc?" she asked, the exact question was implied.
"I don't really have a medical term for this, so I will be blunt...your cherry has rotted!"
The Blue Fairy was sitting on a jack-o-lantern collecting denim dust when she heard that and giggled. Because she was in a doctor's office she had stripped. Many knew the Blue Fairy as Poison Ivy. She was a tart who would spread as easily as warm butter.
She flew off to seek fondle sparkles. While gathering a married couple in their early sixties was celebrating their thirty-third wedding anniversary in that quiet, yet romantic little café.
Poison Ivy noted them. She felt aawww!
Suddenly, she appeared to them with blue-pink wings and rapture haunting her. "For being such an exemplary married couple and for loving each other all this time, I will grant you each a wish.” (How did she know that?) (Guessed!)
“Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” said the wife. How sweet!
The fairy waved her magic wand and this is where the poof was sounded. Two tickets for the Queen Mary and Joseph II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment. (I see a problem!) He blurted, “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife thirty-one years younger than me.” What a prick!
The wife and Poison Ivy were deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and you all can sense the poof thing again. The husband became ninety-three years old.
This all just goes to show that ungrateful and greedy fellas should know that fairies are females.
A curious lad from Dover
Crossed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover.
This young man was struck
With a rash of good luck,
Before his experiment was over.
B: I do like the unexpected...unforeseen...the unpredictable...startling.
Z: I like that you can now use the on-line Thesaurus.
B: You know everyone likes a little ass but no one likes a wise ass.
Z: So who's the ass?
B: Never mind! (Bright shook her head in the why-me-why-all-the-time-me way) What is the mop for?
Z: The pee.
B: What pee?
Z: Look down.
B: Ick! (She jumped and tried to avoid the trail but sadly with age comes some loss of agility and Bright slipped and fell into the mess. Her khaki shorts darkened where the pooch-pee was absorbed.) Help!
Z: Yeah, right! I'll mop. There are sweat pants in the laundry. You can wash and dry your own shorts. Hurry we have work to do. (Zane bounced his large eye-brows and smiled. Zane was well-embrowed.)
B: This is all your fault.
Z: Au contraire mon ami. If you had assisted in the diapering of Mo...'nough said.
B: Sweat pants?
Z: Yup! (He smiled knowing that they were his sweats and the likelihood of them fitting at all well was remote. Zane was 6' and she just above 5')
B: While I am refreshing my outerwear you can read.
The following is an excerpt from STEEL EMBRACE which will be released this month by Carnal Passion. We hope you enjoy it.
Excerpt STEEL EMBRACE
Earlier when Shanna arrived she expected handcuffs or rope bindings. She understood intricate rope technique but with him only the submission mattered. He was a powerful dominant male. The kind that caused trepidation in others. He stood glaring down at her wearing taut leather pants and a sleeveless waistcoat that boasted bulky zippers, dull studs and large buckled, crisscrossed black belts. His choice of silk scarves was unexpected.
She had been tumbled over the tattered oak footboard, a massive hand held her face to the mattress as he instructed her to be still. She complied and her ankles were then bound to opposing posts. Her wrists had been crossed and secured behind her, naked but for her thigh high hose.
Shanna's quivering was in direct anticipation of her submission. What would happen next? It was all so much the same yet completely different. He touched deeper than any other had as if he had released the famished lynx that feasted for sate.
ABOUT AUTHORS
Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane are with Carnal Passion and also write as Angelica Hart and Zi as well as Dona Pena Tattle, Esq. and Associate Wrye Balderdash who are with Champagne Books and have a number of titles.
Their combined accomplishments include book publications in print and/or electronic versions of thirty-seven titles, twenty plus romance specific, EPPIE finalist for three books, Cecil Whig award, Hob-Nob Reader's Choice Award, Champagne Books Novel of the Year Nominee, Champagne Books Author of the Year Nominee. Plus, they have written over 500 shorts with numerous published in both nationwide and small press magazines, articles published in various local, city and statewide newspapers, including four as a Guest Columnist in addition to trade articles. Both are members of various writing groups
We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who writes us at angelicahartandzi@yahoo.com and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a gift and add you to any future mailings.
Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane
STEEL EMBRACE http://www.carnalpassions.com/
Angelica Hart and Zi
KILLER DOLLS ~ SNAKE DANCE ~ CHASING YESTERDAY
www.champagnebooks.com
THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN CINDERELLA Series
angelicahartandzi.com
TheWritersVineyard.com (monthly piece)
www.champagnebooks.blogspot.com(monthly piece)
Dawn's Reading Nook (Thursday's piece)
lovesbooksandmore.blogspot.com/
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