FROM
THE DESK OF
DONA
PENZA TATTLE, ESQ.
AND
ASSOCIATE
WRYE BALDERDASH
Tattle
nods and winks, imitating Santa's up-the-chimney trick. Except the two
simply vanish and appear in Ute Carbone's writer's
garret.
T: Be not afraid, we come bearing snow cones... and questions. (Hands Ute a cherry snow cone) Oh, everything in cyberspace, as you know, is calorie-free.
U: Thanks so much for having me. Mmm snow cone (she slurps at the cone) and red, my favorite. Did you know that if you eat these you don't need lipstick?
W: So, Ute, be honest, how many clones do you have?
T: You can't ask her that!
W: Yes I can, look at all the books she has written in various genres, all the awards and the fabulous interviews. There are only twenty-four hours in a day, how can she possibly do it all without having clones? Hmmmmm?
T: Ok, you have a point, but let us rephrase. Ute, if you could clone yourself, how many clones would you have and just what tasks would you have them do?
U: Oh, I don't need clones. I already have multiple personalities. But minions...Now there's something I could use. They could do all the housework I avoid by writing. And they'd bring me chocolate and coffee. They'd be very handy...yes, yes, very handy. (She nods in agreement with herself)
W: Interesting, I’d like a few of them round about here as well. Having said that, if you could be a character in any of your books, which one would you choose and why?
U: Hmm, well, since they all live in my head and it's very crowded up there, anyone of them could actually be me at any one time. But, honestly, the answer changes like the weather. Depends on my mood. I'm a little funky today, so Lenora who is prone to adventure would probably get me out of my funk. Plus, she gets to bed hunky Anton and...I might need another snow cone.
T: (Fanning herself thinking of Anton, Tattle gives Ute another cone and grabs one for herself) Now that you've confided in who'd you'd like to be, tell us which antagonist in one of your books you loved to create and if there is any of you in the villainous character?
U: Oh, I think there's a bit of villain in all of us (laughs maniacally and rubs hands together) I like creating all characters, villains and heroes, and all of them have (I think) some good and bad in them. Except for Abercrombie from the Sweet Lenora Series. That guy was just pure evil. He was fun to create, especially since in the next book I get to hang him.
W: Does the tribe of weird and strange apply to you? Or is logic your muse? (Points to Tattle and mouths) Weird. (Thumbs his chest) Logical.
U: Well, since I play with my imaginary friends all day and write down their stories, I'm probably not too logical. Or normal. Then again, voices in your head are normal, right? Right???
T: But of course they are! Personally, I am proud to be a member of the weird persuasion, but I guess, (lets out a long breath) there is a place for logic now and again. After all I am quite fond of Data and Mr. Spock. Which brings me to another question. Do you read the type of stories you write?
U: Absolutely. I read an adage once—Write what you love to read. I think it's true, and so I try to write the kind of stories I'd enjoy reading.
W: What does sci-fi characters have to do with.... Oh, never mind, like I mentioned earlier, weird! Now, for a more sensible query. If you could live on a planet of your own creation, what sort of planet would it be?
U: I do live on a planet of my own creation. It's very nice here, too. The inmates...I mean citizens...are very friendly. They give you snow cones. And wine. And they sing and dance around a lot. When they've had too much wine, they do.
T: (Offers a dreamy look, muttering,) Can I live there, too?
W: Did you say something?
T: (Shakes herself out of her momentary trance) Yup. Was just asking Ute, if there was an alien invasion, and you could only take one thing, would it be your laptop, best sneakers, heels or your stash of candy?
U: Hmm, I'd take my kindle. So many books, so little time. And really, who needs a toothbrush when you've got books?
W: Agreed! Again, let me bring everyone back to a good ole basic interview question. (Leans forward, rises a bushy brow and looks at Ute pointedly) Do you prefer slippers or bare feet?
U: (Stares back). Bare feet. Slippers are for sissies.
T: Thank you so much for allowing us to steal a piece of your busy schedule. You have been a dear.
W: And exceptionally patient. Next time we'll bring donuts. (Eyes glaze over just like a sugary treat)
U: Oooh, donuts. I like donuts. Can I come back soon?
T: Be not afraid, we come bearing snow cones... and questions. (Hands Ute a cherry snow cone) Oh, everything in cyberspace, as you know, is calorie-free.
U: Thanks so much for having me. Mmm snow cone (she slurps at the cone) and red, my favorite. Did you know that if you eat these you don't need lipstick?
W: So, Ute, be honest, how many clones do you have?
T: You can't ask her that!
W: Yes I can, look at all the books she has written in various genres, all the awards and the fabulous interviews. There are only twenty-four hours in a day, how can she possibly do it all without having clones? Hmmmmm?
T: Ok, you have a point, but let us rephrase. Ute, if you could clone yourself, how many clones would you have and just what tasks would you have them do?
U: Oh, I don't need clones. I already have multiple personalities. But minions...Now there's something I could use. They could do all the housework I avoid by writing. And they'd bring me chocolate and coffee. They'd be very handy...yes, yes, very handy. (She nods in agreement with herself)
W: Interesting, I’d like a few of them round about here as well. Having said that, if you could be a character in any of your books, which one would you choose and why?
U: Hmm, well, since they all live in my head and it's very crowded up there, anyone of them could actually be me at any one time. But, honestly, the answer changes like the weather. Depends on my mood. I'm a little funky today, so Lenora who is prone to adventure would probably get me out of my funk. Plus, she gets to bed hunky Anton and...I might need another snow cone.
T: (Fanning herself thinking of Anton, Tattle gives Ute another cone and grabs one for herself) Now that you've confided in who'd you'd like to be, tell us which antagonist in one of your books you loved to create and if there is any of you in the villainous character?
U: Oh, I think there's a bit of villain in all of us (laughs maniacally and rubs hands together) I like creating all characters, villains and heroes, and all of them have (I think) some good and bad in them. Except for Abercrombie from the Sweet Lenora Series. That guy was just pure evil. He was fun to create, especially since in the next book I get to hang him.
W: Does the tribe of weird and strange apply to you? Or is logic your muse? (Points to Tattle and mouths) Weird. (Thumbs his chest) Logical.
U: Well, since I play with my imaginary friends all day and write down their stories, I'm probably not too logical. Or normal. Then again, voices in your head are normal, right? Right???
T: But of course they are! Personally, I am proud to be a member of the weird persuasion, but I guess, (lets out a long breath) there is a place for logic now and again. After all I am quite fond of Data and Mr. Spock. Which brings me to another question. Do you read the type of stories you write?
U: Absolutely. I read an adage once—Write what you love to read. I think it's true, and so I try to write the kind of stories I'd enjoy reading.
W: What does sci-fi characters have to do with.... Oh, never mind, like I mentioned earlier, weird! Now, for a more sensible query. If you could live on a planet of your own creation, what sort of planet would it be?
U: I do live on a planet of my own creation. It's very nice here, too. The inmates...I mean citizens...are very friendly. They give you snow cones. And wine. And they sing and dance around a lot. When they've had too much wine, they do.
T: (Offers a dreamy look, muttering,) Can I live there, too?
W: Did you say something?
T: (Shakes herself out of her momentary trance) Yup. Was just asking Ute, if there was an alien invasion, and you could only take one thing, would it be your laptop, best sneakers, heels or your stash of candy?
U: Hmm, I'd take my kindle. So many books, so little time. And really, who needs a toothbrush when you've got books?
W: Agreed! Again, let me bring everyone back to a good ole basic interview question. (Leans forward, rises a bushy brow and looks at Ute pointedly) Do you prefer slippers or bare feet?
U: (Stares back). Bare feet. Slippers are for sissies.
T: Thank you so much for allowing us to steal a piece of your busy schedule. You have been a dear.
W: And exceptionally patient. Next time we'll bring donuts. (Eyes glaze over just like a sugary treat)
U: Oooh, donuts. I like donuts. Can I come back soon?
T/W: You bet!
We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who writes us at writingteamcw@yahoo.com (Write - Blog Dawn - in subject line) and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a free ebook (choose erotic or romantic thriller) and add you to any future mailings.
Angelica Hart and Zi ~ Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane
www.champagnebooks.com - www.carnalpassions.com - angelicahartandzi.com
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