Since the release of the Infected Holiday Special is coming soon, I thought I’d get a bunch of my characters together to talk about the book: Roan McKichan, Dylan Harlow, Fiona Sutton, Holden Krause, “Tank”
Grey Williams, and Scott Murray.
Andrea: To kick things off, I should ask what your favorite holiday is.
Roan: Halloween, I suppose.
Grey: That’s an easy answer though, isn’t it? Everybody likes Halloween.
Holden: Not me. I dislike all holidays. What’s the point of them beyond making all poor people feel bad?
Tank: Right on, brother.
Holden: Was that sarcastic? Sometimes I can’t tell with you.
Tank: No, I’m serious. They may have begun as harmless festivals or ways to mark the turn of seasons, but they’ve definitely been co-opted by capitalist forces. Stapling religious meanings to them doesn’t make them suddenly legitimate.
*long moment of silence*
Scott: Tank is from a long line of political activists and he’s taken many pucks to the head. You’ll have to forgive him.
Tank: Speak for yourself. I’m not the one who’s been sidelined by a concussion.
Scott: Yes, but I’m coasting on my looks. No one expects me to be able to talk good.
Andrea: Is it always like this?
Fiona: Oh my God, and men say women talk too much? When these guys get together, I have to lob in a smoke bomb to get a word in edgewise. These guys yap like you wouldn’t believe.
Grey: We don’t yap. We chirp.
Fiona: You squawk.
Andrea: Back to the topic at hand –
*Grey flaps his hands and makes bird noises*
Andrea: – was there a holiday not covered in the book that you wished was covered?
Roan: Uh …
Holden: No. They’re all terrible.
Tank: Arbor Day?
Andrea: That’s in the book.
Tank: Fuck you.
Andrea: No, I’m serious.
Scott: Is Cinco de Mayo an actual holiday, or just an excuse to drink tequila on a Tuesday?
Dylan: It’s more like an American bastardization of Mexican Independence Day, which isn’t on May 5th.
Scott: When is it?
Dylan: September 16th.
Grey: Okay, is that in the book?
Grey: Why the hell not?
Andrea: I … don’t know. I forgot.
Holden: What the hell kind of excuse is that? You’re the writer, right? Write, goddamn it.
Tank: What about Canadian Thanksgiving? Is that in the book?
Andrea: No, I forgot that one too.
Scott: How? We’re Canadian and we’re right here.
Andrea: Not when I was writing you weren’t.
Roan: Where else did we have to be? Aren’t we a captive audience?
Andrea: Um …
Holden: Sounds like victim blaming to me.
Andrea: Guys, we’re getting off the topic here.
Tank: Not really. We told you the holidays we wanted, and you didn’t include them. We’re disillusioned.
Fiona: Really this is your fault for asking the question in the first place.
Andrea: I guess we covered the holidays you hate question.
Holden: All of them. Next question.
Andrea: But the others haven’t –
Roan: No, we’re good.
Andrea: Guys, you’re not helping.
Grey: Do we exist to help you?
Andrea: Uh … no, I guess not.
Fiona: Okay. So why do you expect us to help now?
Holden: And let’s be real here: I’m not known for my helpfulness.
Roan: No, you’re mostly known for various felonies.
Holden: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
And that seems like a good place to leave it. The Infected Holiday Special is out May 17th (linky here: https://www.dsppublications.com/books/infected-holiday-special-by-andrea-speed-247-b ) and it was fun to write, in spite of these guys. One of these days, I’m not going to be shown up by my ungrateful creations too. (I can always hope, can’t I?)
The Infected Holiday Special
Available May 17th, 2016
Meet the Author