Thursday, August 21, 2014


Z:  August 21 is Senior Citizens Day.  Yea Old People.  You getting yourself some? (Implements the well-embrowed dirty-ole man lift and drop)
A:  Some what?  (Offers, humorously, the dried-to-a-prudish-prune expression as she tries not to laugh)
Z:  Considering your age... senior lovin'.
A:  That is far too personal.  ( She puts an empty plastic cup over the single finger salute she was giving Zi) Anywho, I'd want me a boy toy.  May-December... Rita Rudner once quipped, “Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?”
Z:   Thirty-five was a fortnight of Decembers ago.  (Straightens his stance and tilts the desk light behind his head creating a halo effect as if offering her a look upon God's countenance.  Noting her confusion and lack of humor, he twists the lamp to shine on his bearded face like a spotlight and using a comic voice, holds a pencil as a mike) What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!  TaDa!  Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.
A:  So funny I lost my humor bone.
Z:  Forgot to laugh?  Sure sign of aging.
A:  Humph!  You're aging, I'm vintage and adorable.  By the way, did you know that older men are more likely to be married than older women of the same age.  (Rummages in her drawers {not her pants} finds what she is seeking, and then bangs away with a ping-pong paddle)  Older men choose not just from their own age pool but also from tons of younger women, especially when the guy has lots of  mulla. 
Z:  Mulla?  Is that an actual word?  (Watches the ball attached to the paddle go back and forth, inches away from his prized ceramic armadillo)
A:  Note from last week, you can find the word in my personal dictionary.  Money… rich… wealthy...  Scrooge McDuck ripe and ready for gold diggers galore.  There might even be a club catering to the old man, young woman, y'know a meet and greet.  He brings his oxygen tank.  She brings her booty and implants.
Z:  Cold!
A:  Funny!
Z:  Jealous?
A:  (Wiggles her ample boobage)  Nope!
Z:  (Ignores her antic)  One juicy scandal in the UK is the relationship between Rupert Murdoch, aka, Sugar Daddy, and his (now famous) wife Wendi Deng, aka Sugared Up.  Thirty-eight year age difference. Dog!  They married when she was thirty and he was sixty-eight (just 2 weeks after his second divorce was finalized).  Money is the best deodorant. 
A:  (Ping-ponged rubber ball hits the armadillo, it falls, she catches it, grins sheepishly and puts the 'dillo (not to be confused with dildo) back and the paddle away... sticks it in her cleavage peeking from her blouse... the it was the paddle... sees the ball dangling... smiles and tried to paddle it downward... yes, everything bounced)  An eighty year-old man who married the 20-year-old girl. During his pre-wedding physical, the doctor cautioned, "Joe, you might want to take it easy at first. After all sex can kill."  After a thoughtful moment, Old Joe responded, "Well, I reckon, if she dies, she dies." (The story ended as the rubber ball smacked her face)
Z:  George Burns noted,  "Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."   I guess with enough cash one can forgive flaccid flopage.  You of all people can understand flopage!
A:  Or maybe consider Viagra. 
Z:  Hmmmm, gotta worry about the ole ticker.  Y'know there are side effects.
A:  Well, the four hour can't get a plop-plop-fizz-fizz-oh-what-a-relief-it-is might be a bonus for the gal. 
Z:  Not nice, girl!
A:  Been chocolate free for sixty-nine hours.  Side effects.
Z:  (Offers his condolences as well as his last piece of candy)
A:  (A snatch and grab occurs and Ang beams)  Y'know, not just money but power... is sexy.
Z:  Brings to mind one very powerful and very, very happy man and his current lady of just this side of the legal baby blanket.  Hugh Heffner and bunny bump du jour... the dude is an old horn-dog.  Anyone male that grew up in the  Playboy era saw Heff as an iconic randy image.
A:  Heff was about the boobs.  Playboy pages show them off with elegance and soft lighting along with thought-provoking, intelligent articles, but in the end it comes down to most men like biggums.  No criticism, just a statement.
Z:  (Chews bubble gum and blows as if trying to create a booby image) A wealthy man in his 70s brought a beautiful twenty-something blonde to lunch at his country club. His golf buddies were duly impressed and asked him, “How did you land such a young, gorgeous girlfriend?” He replied, “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s my wife.” “Wow! How did you manage that?”  “Easy. I lied to her about my age.”  “So did you tell her that you were 50?”  “No, I told her that I was 90.”  Heff was about the money and power found in boobs.
A: Demi Moore, aka Cougar, and Ashton Kutcher, aka Sexy Stud. (Offers a sigh worthy of an eighteen-year-old) She's fifteen years older in this May-December relationship.  
Z:   Good for her!  (Pauses, sucks in his gum and cracks it)  “I'm not ancient, darling. I'm only fifty. And when it comes to sex a woman of fifty can often outlast a man half her age.”   Barbara Taylor Bradford said that.
A:  The question is do younger men want to last?  There is a wam-bam-thank-you-ma'me culture.  And in some ways older gals appreciate that get-in-and-get-out-I-got-knitting-to-do dating.
Z: It didn't last... the relationship... I wasn't there for the sexy... was she a bag lady... having far too much baggage... or was she the Mrs. Robinson type, just wanting a boy toy?
A:  She could have been both.  What older man or woman doesn't, except for us.  We're baggage free and neither of us want a boy toy.  (Thinks she told a joke and laughs loudly...  Is the only one who does)  Life experiences are different. 
Z:  I danced to the young Elvis whereas a young hottie might have danced to Elvis Costello. 
A: Take Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart.  He has more than twenty years on her.
Z:  Hans Solo pierced his ear... what's with that?  Trying to act young?
A:  (Another of those young-girl sighs)  Hans Solo is ageless and can do whatever he wants.  What's up with Modern Family's Ed O'Neill and  Sofia Vergara.  They portray a May-December relationship on the show. 
Z:  On the show he's well established... had his pick of ladies his age... there are more his age... most financially set... but he opted for the massive boobage ( physical and mental)  But if the tables were turned would she have married a young him?  Could she?  Would she even want to?  He wouldn't have his considerable assets as a youngster, or his quirky charm.  So the question is are these relationships about money, power, sex, or love.  The romantic in me wants it to be about love... but the practical gum cracker knows it is far more complex.  I say she would have seen his charm and snuggled up to it, regardless of age.
A:  Charm?  (Doesn't wait for a response)  Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. He's got a quarter century on her as well, exactly so since they share a birthday.
Z:  The dude said that oral sex caused his type of throat cancer.  Was that the price to pay to keep a hottie?
A:  Cynic!
Z:  (Accidently swallows his gum and turns blue for a second but rouses with vigor) Mike is the cynic... he smoked and drank... wanted to stud up by revealing he was a star between her legs.
A:  TMI!
Z:  Read this... August 28 is Race Your Mouse Around The Icons Day
A:  I got your mouse.
Z:  Huh?  (Looked shocked!)
A:  Your computer control.  (Holds up his wireless mouse)

LOVE LETTERS (Work in Progress)

“Here’s the deal,” Judy said, “I’d like to take you home with me.  Are you up for it?”  She waited a few seconds bouncing the remnants of a snide grin, “Once I get you home, you will be up for it.”  She laughed then winked at him, and noticed he was uncomfortable.  Retreating she asked, “Are you in a relationship?”


“Is it the age difference?” she asked, her fallback query whipped her yet loosened his restraint.

“A little.”  The hint of shame invaded the texture of his expression.

“Don’t be.  We live in a new time.  Cougars are the new black.  Actually lived long enough to the the in thing.”  She chuckled, “I’m not that old.  By the way… older women are far better and far more grateful.  Less maintenance.  And Carl, no one will ever know unless you share it.”  She lit his imagination’s bonfire.

“What are we talking about?’’  This was not a feigned quick response but actual confusion.

She giggled, recognizing he missed what she thought was a bold pass on her part.  “I asked you to come over to my place.”

“Why?” the thump of he-has-no-clue fell loudly.

“So I might blow your brains out.”

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Angelica Hart and Zi ~ Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane - -

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