Thursday, April 3, 2014


Z:  On April 1st.  (He was wearing a shit-eating grin) It's April Fool's Day, my fav day!
A:  (Dismissed the notion of Fools in April with a wave of her hand, a queenly wave, of course, hand appropriately curved)  More importantly, April is National Poetry month… yippee!  
Z:  (Zi's eyes glazed over obviously not hearing her.  Instead he stood, took a pose, hand curled into flannel shirt as if wearing a vest, head tilted up, foot propped on a stool with knee bent,  shorts showing hairy bruised legs, looking like an old world bard and with a deep baritone voice belting out a sudden burst of prose that bounced throughout the room) 
Beans… beans
                Good before class.
Can’t speak from mouth
                Speak from your ass!  ~  Zi
A:  (Wrinkled up nose as if actually getting a scent of something) Ick!
Z:   (Taking a moment to gather a second breath, he then followed the first poem with a second)  
Roses are red
                Leaves are green
Want some fun
                Eat mega bean!  ~  Zi
A:  Re-ick... leaning toward sick!  (She held her nose with thumb and pointer)
Z:  Mary had a little lamb
                That in itself was a surprise
Named that sheep Aug
                Said he was a Bichon dog.  ~  Zi
A:  (She sat and sipped her Orange Zingo and began wadding paper balls, thinking, he lost it, he really lost it) 
Z:  Johnnie climbed up the apple tree with everyone one else but me
So I took a Briggs and Stratton chainsaw and fell that oak… teehee!  ~  Zi
A:  Where is that chainsaw... I've a limb to cut... the one you've climbed out on  (She made a sawing motion and added the sound of a buzz saw... spitting out spit having some actually hang from her nose)
Z:  Monica vogued with her fame.
Bill swore he had no shame.
                Hills wants to run.
                Why… fame or fun?
Has politics turned into a game?  ~  Zi
A:  Really?  Zi, it's time to come back to earth.  Life up in the stratosphere makes you wicky- whacky.  (She threw a paper ball and then put one into her mouth, and chewed it down to size)  This is Houston to Rocketman...  start your descent!
Z:  Wreatlemania 15
                                Was universally seen
Sports entertainment
                                Or sports defamement?  ~  Zi
A:  Huh?  Where did that come from?  (She threw a spit ball... missed and it stuck to his computer screen)  Dang!
Z:  Well, Poetry 101 like all Freshpersons' classes is a bit trite, though I tried to make it interesting.
A:  In Dr. Suess style… I don’t know… though it may be so… I sense I have to go… so go I will… love you still… bye-bye for Papa Zill.  (Ang hurled another paper ball... it was caught and flung back)
Z:  Come on its April Fool's Day, the morning after the day before.  Cloudy yet sunny with a chance of dry rain.  The coffee is two-stepping… can you… I can’t.  The songs on my CD are that of Marco Polo… I can’t ride ponies.  My thoughts are just that.  Well… I hope.  The day is all about the inane.
A:  Inane... Inane... you are insane!  (Wonders if she still has the phone number for that therapist she used to see.  Although, some wouldn't call a tea leaves reader a therapist, Ang, swore by her common sense and loved the tea!)
Z:  April 1…
April 1…
Fun   ~  Zi
A:  (Conceded for the moment, after all, you couldn't argue with a crazy)  So fun me silly man.
Z:  (Having sounded normal for a sparse moment, he spared her a quick glance, hiked up his drooping shorts back to his waistline, winked at the Rat-Fink statue feigning typical childishness,  but then that far-away glaze attacked him once more, the speed haunting, the look daunting, the words flaunting) Macho… macho… man!  Went to the casino and played the nickel slots.  Big time gambler.  Eh?  (Canadian)  Surprise… surprise… I won a jackpot… no bells or whistles… a whole bucket of nickels… 1800…  that are dirtie when handled… I like things dirtie don’t you?… it paid for the day out… dinner of crab cakes and prime rib… lucky me. Guess how I had the meat… well… thank you, no… medium rare.  Got home… got busy… thought of you… then left… came back home… watched the ball game… up-set… no…Yeah me!  What a day… what a storyteller I am.  Mailing you all the quarters… look for them… they’ll be in a couple of white envelopes… individually taped to pieces of 8 by 11 inch cardboard… some of the winnings will be used to pay the shipping cost… I figure it will take two quarters to pay for one quarter therefore when I rationalized the total cost at the end you owe me $17.50… I’ll wait for the money before I ship… let me know if you want me to insure your package.  April Fools.
A:  (Sighed that wounded sigh of all those who have suffered through the same sort of despair ) Wound up tighter then my pantyhose after Thanksgiving, are we?
Z:  Haven't seen you in pantyhose
Are they under your clothes
                Yes... No
So tight that they curl your toes  ~  Zi
(Zi bounced his eye-brows as if curious or teasing)
Ang, oh Ang, mind if I snoop?
If they are not filled with poop   ~  Zi
A:  (Groaned and hurled four balls of paper and three stuck in his hair... dandruff stuff)
Z:  Spring
Time to ball.  ~  Zi
A:  Ball?  You being crude?  Dude!  (She gave the hairy-eyed look... took a Karate stance... planning on kicking if he approached... he noticed and placed his hands over his privates and grinned)
Z:  The baseball opener is soon… I am old enough to remember when this had great import in my life and the lives of many others… today, it is just sorta another day in sports… that is sad… baseball, once America’s game, has lost some of its glory and glamour… its history and majesty… this is an April Fools joke on me.  (Zi thought Ang was not looking and while still holding his hands over his twig and berries, adjusted, but in the end she saw and disapproved)
A:  I see your crude was not lewd.
Z:  (He picked up a photo of Miss Piggy)
I spoke to my nads
They speak of glads
Both can slip
Past your lip
That’s my luck
m’Babe can suck!   ~  Zi
(He spun as if punctuating his boorish verse)
A:  Lewd is back, Judge Roy Bean... want to re-think your poetry lean?  (She wondered if it was time to pull out a drawing pad and wad up a larger size paper ball to put in his mouth... which was obviously running away with his unfiltered thoughts... but how to get it in between flapping rhymes... how, indeed)
Z:  Zi died… April Fools… Zi lives… and will rise up and sing his glory upon the winds of all times… April Fools upon he.
A:  Ang needs more... see she's a bad poetry whore.  (Did she really say that?  Was she enabling him?  She knew she had and braced herself for the next barrage of poor poetry and puns... did she have time to run... could she feign a bio-break... could she declare that her phone vibrated and she had to take a call... would he ask why she had it on vibrate while in her bra... dag, she concluded that she'd just lean back and listen)
Z:  (Having put Miss Piggy back on the shelf, he grabbed a stuffed Raggedy Ann)  
Once upon a time
It was once upon a time
A nice rhyme
Though, not sublime
Shit… let's get to the end
Blow me… blow me… m’friend.  ~  Zi
(He held her at arm's length)
A:  Gross!  Most gross!  Show class.  You're being an ass.  (She snatched Raggedy Ann, and then picked up the closest dog, lifted it to her face, raised it higher, as if creating a barrier between the two of them, but soon she was smelling..... never mind)
Z:  My toe fell off.  April Fools!  Your toe fell off.  April Fools!  Mistletoe’s fell off… wrong season.  It is daylight savings time… today.  April Fools!  Elmo made puppies yesterday.  April’s Fools!… not!  Hip-hip-hurray! They should be here by the end of May.  Do you want one?  Boy or male?  April’s Fools!  Gotcha!
A:  Are you on powerful meds?  Maybe you need some!  (Patted her chest, looking around for the cell phone, thinking a 911 call might have to be made, not for him, but her.  He was on the verge of driving her off the insanity cliff of crazy.  But the phone search just brought a my gal-pal is being naughty sneer to Zi's face)
Z:  If I could dance
I would sing
If I could sing
I would dance
Color me
Confused   ~  Zi
A:  Should I call the psycho-paramedics?  (Maybe that call should be for him.  Perhaps, Ang and Zi have been cooped up in the office way too long... window... air... water pistol... yes!)
Z:  (Pulled a serious glint to his face)   At this moment in time in the tourney I am losing.  I win tomorrow I am the champion of my world… yet not the pool… damn… April’s Fool!
A:  Poetry ping-pong... gone all wrong.
Z:  Knees
More  ~  Zi
A:  Slow down big boy... you are having too much joy.
Z:  Just cleaned the toilet.  Think about it.  Why?  Why not?  April Fools… fool me, fool me not.
A:  I am on this magic ride... with not Jekyll but Hyde.
Z:  (Zi went to the bow window, climbed onto the window seat and stared off into the clouds as if talking to a dream in the distance)
Both hands on the back of your head
Pumping my cock down your throat
That is a memory we have wrote
One I shall hold until I’d done dead  ~  Zi
A:  You dirty dog... lost in a fog.  (She wondered who the dream might be)
Z:  The word of the daylight savings’ day-to-be is pup.  1) Slang for a pupil… you’re a pupil… I’m a pupil… we are all pupils… we have pupils… no, that is spelled differently… unless we are a teacher… pupils are pupils… unless they are not… especially, an undergraduate studying contemporary mating rituals… you’re an undergraduate… I’m an undergraduate… would you like to get under and undergraduate… sorry wrong season… that would be the horny toad season… early summer… this is April Fools… sorry for the mix-up. 2) A cool dog begot by dos union of cool dogs… like my Elmo… union is a cool word… not used often enough… at least in my life… oh, there I go again whining… yes, I’ll run and grab some cheese… I’ve returned from my latest segue.  3) Empty headed impertinent young person… more often a term for a guy… thought babes can be pups, also… but they often grow up to be mutts… does this make me a gender bigot… or a student of curs… damn, am I dogging you… sorry poochie.  The wordez comes from a French origin of the wordez poupee… which is pronounced just like what they (puppies) do-do a lot of… you know… in small piles.  The aforementioned has been an inane April’s Fools gift… me to you… you are certainly welcome!   Blow me for a double thank you.
A:  Far too much caffeine dude... it's making your lewd.  (Clutching the pup to her as if her protector, she started wheeling her chair backward toward the exit very slowly and quietly)
Z:  (Zi pulled his hoodie up over his head, covering his eyes, squatted and bowed, being lost into a distant world and muttered in low tones)
I need, I do need a place to keep my cock
One wide open; without a pad or lock
Warm and wet
Easy to get
Yes, and oh of course wantin’ m’ squirt du rock.  ~  Zi
A:  I'll be back... getting some cold water Jack.  (Popped up out of the chair, motioned for the doggie to run for its sanity, and moved backward, quickly... she knew where they kept the water pistol and she was going to get it)
Z:  (Picked up a prop, a piece of stationary) Jamie Lee Curtis says, “Hey!” was a co-author of this letter… called me yesterday to write it with me… all spelling and grammar mistakes are hers… since you know the quality of my work is impeccable… the humor mine… the dull stuff hers… ok!  Aw… she just long-distance kicked me… ok… ok… you know this is an April Fools prank… sorry if it offended… or scaried you!… ha ha…hee…hee! 
A: Scaried you?  Scaried me!
Z:  I have spontaneous craves to pump
I am in fantasyland doing the face hump
With whom you might query-query
Dah… you and you and you dearie   ~  Zi
A:  I see you are lost in a rant... all with a built-in slant. (She stood at the doorway sipping water, hiding the water gun)
Z:  May foot odor be other’s and of course you don’t know them.
A:  Take a breath... breathe.
Z:  April Fools about the…. !  UBAFooltoo… ok… so be it!  ~  Zi
A:  Done? (Looked hopeful, raised the pistol as if threatening him)
Z:  (He rose and bowed and sipped his coffee)  Damn this stuff is strong.
A:  (She squirted... he earned it)

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