Thursday, August 15, 2013


A:  I was thinking....  (Says as she stares out the window adjusting her shorts)
Z:  Yea....she's alive!  Wedgy?  (He imitates a drum roll and follows her line of sight)
A:  See that bike rider...
Z:  Yeah.... 
A:  How come they're not arrested?
Z:  (Grins, knowing where she is headed) I don't know, after all they are peddling their arses.
A:  (Mouth agape)  You knew that one, eh?
Z:  (Does the Groucho Marx cigar pose) I got a million of 'em.
A:  Of course, you....errr...we do.  We like them jokes and puns.  Sorta along a naughty fractured fairy tale way.
Z:  All this just cause you wanna brain storm?
A:  It's either that or I go on a chocolate raid.  (Looks sad)  I'm on a diet.
Z:  (Quickly hides the candy box)  I got something, Little Boy Blue was talking with Little Girl Pink.
A:  Adore those two pictures, should hang them in our office.
Z:  (Offers the hairy eyeball scowl and ignores her thought)  Ya listening?
A:  (Dons the  Mickey Mouse ears that sit on top of her bookshelf above the computer) I'm all ears.
Z:  (Wrinkles his brow) Sure you want to diet, you get kinda loopy when you are chocolate deprived.
A:  (Points to the ears)
Z:  Message received.  Anyhotten holler, Little Boy Blue says to Little Girl Pink:  An Irishman walked out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.  A cop, one of All the King's horses and All the King's men Hopscotch, Turner and Hooch, and Cocktail Management Unit on the beat saw him and approached, 'Can I help you lad?'
A:  Lad? 
Z:  Aye!
A:  So... what was up with the lad?
Z:  'Aye, sssshombody stole me oxcart!' the Irishman replied.  (Zi knits eyebrows in a well embrowed way)
A:  Lad?
Z:  Lad.  Enough with the lad stuff! 
A:  Lad was a dog.
Z:  Enough.  Let me continue.  (Looks were exchanged... one teased, the other just a canted head)  The patrolmon asked, 'Well now, where was your oxcart the last time you saw it?' (Zi smiled)  'It was at the end of this key.'  (The man held up a key)   About this time the village cop happened to notice that the Irishman's member (As in junk) was being exhibited for all to see. (Aye the officer noticed...he was observant in that way)  He (officer) then queried, 'Are you aware that you are exposing yourself, sir?'  The Irishman looked down woefully and moaned, "Ooooh, damn...they got me girlfriend, too!'" 
Z:  Done.  (Zi did that thing he oft did... galloped like a cowboy smacking his own tushie)
A:  More!
Z:  Yeehaa!
A:  No...not a heehaw reenactment...more stories for the book.  (She tilted her head in disbelief at his previous act)
Z:  Try this one for size.
A:  Are you talking about my weight?  I am dieting for health reasons, not look reasons.  After all, I am as svelte as Miss Piggy!  (Looks proud... models proudly, adding a hair flip for emphasis despite having boy-short hair)
Z:  Not weight but... never mind... you are jerking... me... and not in a good way. 
A:  Your point.
Z:  Let me continue.  Vampires or werewolves...and it is a form of bestiality?
A:  Edgy!
Z:  What about some Dumpty?
A:  Hump me!  (She giggled)
Z:  Soooo, baaaaaaaad!  (Shook his head dismissing Angelica's ribald humor) Little Boy Blue was still chatting-up Little Girl Pink, 'One sunny afternoon, a young Grandpa Dumpty was in Paris walking along one of the River Seine's bridges and saw a man about to jump off.'
A:  That's not funny... or punny.... that's....  
Z:  Let me finish.
A:  If you must.  (Eyes dart about...obviously wondering where the candy box went)
Z:  (Zi found a nard [meant hard... typo] candy and handed it to Angelica) Suck on this! (Winks ... and continues the story)  Frantic, Dumpty sprinted to the man and shouted, 'Wait, don't jump!  Let's talk!  I'm sure things can't be this bad!'  (Using the acting skills of a community theater artiste Zi tried to sell the angst of the two men)
A:  (She makes sucking sounds... a critique?)
Z:  (Ignoring he continues) The jumper turned to Dumpty and sobbed, 'What do you know about it?  Listen, my magic built that castle. See that one over there? And there!  Three of those Bastians are my design!  But when I walk down a rue, does anyone say, There goes Merlin, the Magical Architect?  Nay, they don't!  I write necromancy books, too!  I wrote a magical mystery novel in 3D that made the Hamlet Old Times best-seller list!  But does anyone say, There goes Merlin, the Magical Author? 
A:  (Starts to bite the candy, crunching it and smiles)
Z:  (Zi winces then with a smirk continues) Nay, they don't!  For ten years I've taught magic courses at Spell U Without a Y, but does anyone ever say, There goes Merlin, the magical college prof?  Nay, they don't!  But...But.... you suck one little cock...'" 
A: (Talking with shards of hard candy in mouth)  That's a keeper!  Write (homonym intended) into BALDERDASH AND  DONA PENZA TATTLE TALES  PRESENTS:  SECOND FLORILEGIUM...THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN-CINDERELLA BALLING...BOOK TWENTY-FOUR...DANCING LOVE...BY  Angelica Hart and  Zi


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