A: Zi you
look distracted. (Noticing he didn't snap up the last organic jelly donut,
which was totally unlike him.)
Z: What?
A:
Distracted. (Taking the donut for
herself and grinning at her coup)
Z: Who's
distracted?
A: You!
Z: Oh... I
think I may be distracted.
A: That's
what I said. (Her tone would have been exacerbated
but came out muffled from licking her fingers)
Z: Said? When?
A: Never
mind. (She provided that
world-class-eye-roll she was famous for)
Z: What?
A: So what
are you thinking about? (She brilliantly
{in her own mind} diverted his thoughts) Well... talk!
Z: You
will think me strange if I divulge.
(Glanced at the empty donut box, frowning... he counted with his
fingers, knowing she took more... wanted to point it out... but that would open
up the dialog of... are you calling me
fat!)
A: Your
point? (Her eyes demanding he pay
attention. Donuts gone. None left.
No longer a consideration.
Besides the Yorkie was eating the fallen evidence scattered on the floor
beneath her chair)
Z: Let me
put this in context. Eons ago. When I was younger, and was driven by
powerful high-T forces, I once dated a
gal who's capris had a zipper on the side of her pants, along her hip. Why?
A: (Tilts
head, curls up one side of her lip with that huh-look scrambling her expression) Where are you going with this?
Z: I know,
this subject is-was weird. But...
A: Weird
is not new for you... continue. (Settling in for the long haul of exhortation. Yorkie on her lap licking this and that... giving
a side-eye read to the deli delivery menu contemplating a salad and hot wings)
Z: Get
this. For ever I knew the purpose of a
zipper. Did! It was to make available my junk. All I could think about was that her woman
business was located there. Right... wouldn't you? (Big-eyed with a foolish smirk)
A: Woman
business... what are you doing... channeling a Baptist? (Again the puzzled look appeared, along with
a thought to find the nearest psychologist, just not knowing if it would be for
her or Zi or the Yorkie who seemed to be in a frenzy of sniffing... {sniffing
what... never mind!})
Z:
Haa! Zipper on the hip and I
figured it was for the traditional reasons... covering the putang. (He flung his hands out as if ready to add
the word eureka!)
A: What
50s novel have you been reading?
Z: Follow
me. This mal-located zipper idea morphed
into the obvious question, was she deformed? You can see my angst!
A: Really? (Her jaw actually dropped open... though it
could have been from the fact that the new deli menu had raised its prices)
Z: I know
you'll believe me. That otherwise
located ju-ju kinda turned me on. The idea of side pu$$y was very cool. (He winked which kinda made Ang feel a bit
hinky)
A: Gross. (She stuck out her huge tongue... what was
both a statement of dismay and a depiction of actual grossness)
Z: As you would
suspect, I was curious... oh yeah... fox-chase-the-crippled-chickens curious.
A: That
simile will never catch on.
Z: I like
my allegory. (His chin nudged upward in
a defensive way) But let me share my dismay.
How was I going to get into these oddly-zipped pants?
A:
Why? (She said knowing she should
let it go as being implied)
Z: Dah...
to do the dirty, Silly! I knew I had
to... needed to... wanted to... gaa, oh so much. Hip twat!
But how?
A: Watch
the T-word language. (Her remark wasn't
so much about the word as to the disturbing image he created. Deformed gal-parts... eewwww... and she knew
he may be providing greater detail about his quest for side-tail) I agree great question... so how?
Z: Thank
you for noticing my astute reasoning and validating my dilemma. A dude had to do dude stuff... and young
dudes did it without the benefit of wisdom and delicacy. (He stroked his beard, the way a sage might) Ang, this would not be a simple case of the
same old, same old garment displacement exercise. Naaa! See, she was of the zipped differently clan
and I needed a new and creative tact.
Were there books on the subject?
Suspect not. So I had to use my
imagination, charm and wit.
A: So you were unarmed?
Z:
Ha...haa... haaa!
A: So?
Z: I could
have been direct and asked, "Might I unzip you?" Of course I'd smile
that valet-helping-their-boss smile. She could subsequently reply,
"Why?" And that would be the tripping point. Foiled. Pants still in place. Uck!
The tripping point!
A: That? (She really thought the tripping point began
the moment he first considered the side zipper a point of serious discourse)
Z: I could
answer, "I want to see your weirdly placed cheechee." Noooo!
Foolish tact on my part.
A: You'd
think?
Z: I get
it she'd feel uncomfortable and that would never work if hip display was
desired.
A: Where
are we going? The point! The point!
Z: I could
have craze-beast-upped and just took them (the pants)... but hell, sexual
harassment charges, lawyers and restraining orders seemed such a turn-off.
A: You are
kidding me? (Her high-pitched tone
caused the Yorkie to flee. Zi appeared
unaffected)
Z:
Nope. I was young. I was intellectualizing. I was... (He paused, garnered a thoughtful
expression, bounced his fingers off each other ) horny. And I wanted me some strange...ly placed
katten. ( He adjusted without realizing
he was, that which men have been adjusting since the beginning of all time)
A: Moving
on.
Z: Get
this... I thought about accidently setting her pants on fire... yes, I did... I
know... I know... and that is not a metaphor for turning her on... but better
judgment wisely dissuaded me.
A: Color
me pleased that I did not know the young you.
Z: That
was so funny I forgot to laugh. So how
was I going to de-pants her? Ah-ha....splash
a drink on her... be a gentleman and help her out of them... naaaa.
A: Really,
Slick?
Z: I get
it. I was being boorish. I needed that smooth chatter that could make
them spontaneously fall to her ankles... something like, "Hey, babe need
an ashtray... why... you are smoking!" I needed that kind of fancy patter
but it evaded me. It woulda worked.
A: No it
wouldn't. (She shook her head emphatically...
a flower barrette flew free and landed in the Wandering Jew pot. She did not notice.)
Z: Well,
to make a long story short.
A: Thank
goodness.
Z: Wise
arse. I never got into those pants.
A: Surprise... surprise!
Z: I was
so obsessed that I spent far too much time staring at that side-zipper and I
suspect I made her feel creeped out. Thinking
back about it, now... I did creep her out. But you can understand...
side-hoohaa. By the way do you have pants that zip on the side... as a
point of information I do not.
A: Where are you going with this Slick!
Z: To get
more donuts. They were left over from
two weeks ago and tasted funny.
We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who writes us at writingteamcw@yahoo.com (Write - Blog Dawn - in subject line) and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a gift and add you to any future mailings.
Angelica Hart and Zi KILLER DOLLS ~ SNAKE DANCE ~
CHASING YESTERDAY CHRISTMAS EVE...VIL ~ Christmas 2012
http://www.champagnebooks.com/
Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane STEEL EMBRACE
BOOK NOOKIE-A LIBRARIAN'S BUIDE TO THE DO-ME DECIMAL SYSTEM
http://www.carnalpassions.com/
THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN CINDERELLA Series
Angelicahartandzi.com
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