Please give a warm welcome to Audra and Lucinda from Diary of a Vampire Stripper by Cinsearae S. today as we sit down and see what makes him/her tick.
Q: So tell us about yourself. What got you in the crosshairs for your author?
Audra: Let’s just say I wanted to get in the crosshairs. I needed someone to tell my story….as offbeat and kooky as it is…
Lucinda: (unwrapping a Snickers candy bar) I’m just here for the ride, and it sure is a weird and wild one! Besides, I never would have met Audie if it weren’t for her needing to get into those crosshairs! (gives Audra a hug.)
Q: What was it that drew you to your mate?
Lucinda: (rolling eyes) Oh God, here we go…. (Audra elbows her in her ribs) Ow, hey! I’m just saying….
Audra: He was the perfect gentleman… he has an old-world charm about him…and I loved his English accent.
Lucinda: Guys with English accents are hot. (Audra cuts her a look.) Oh yeah, never mind. (Snorts, then whispers) She has an affinity for….older guys.
Audra: (Groans) Shut up, Lu.
Lucinda: I’m surprised you didn’t mention his ‘jackass factor’. (grins)
Audra: Aw, c’mon, Lu…..
Lucinda: He turned your boyfriend into a ghoul! I mean, yeesh, that’s barely a step up from being a zombie!
Audra: Lu, You’re gonna confuse our interviewer!
Lucinda: (sighing) Long story short. Audie here fell in love with a vampire. He bit her, turned her, then left her hanging. So, he’s gone for, like….forever, so she gave up on him and got herself a human boyfriend. Hubby comes back, and then….crack! Dead bf. I had a theory on how to revive him, and it worked, but the side effects were…not quite what we were expecting….
Audra: (Gawking in repulsion) I just LOVE how you can make it all sound so…trivial.
Lucinda: I’m not! We’ve only got so much time to talk, so I had to condense it! Your story is quite the long one!!
(Audra shakes her head)
Lucinda: As for me, it was kinda love at first sight. My boyfriend and I nearly tore each other apart over a buck. I had killed it, but then here he comes sniffing around, trying to steal my dinner!
Audra: (nudging Lucinda) I think the interviewer is looking at you kinda funny.
Lucinda: Oh! I guess I shoulda mentioned I’m a werewolf. Sorry about that. And yes, I’m a were, she’s a vamp, and we’re the very best of friends! Don’t believe the rumors about our kinds hating each other, folks! (Gives Audra another hug)
Q: A little naughty fun, where was the wildest place you seduced your partner(s)?
Lucinda: Audie is soooo vanilla. I’ll answer this. The wildest place?? Hmm… I think it’s a toss-up between the bushes behind the Goth club we like to go to, and in the bathroom of my favorite Chinese restaurant. (Audra gives her a look.) Really!
Q: Boxers, briefs or Commando on a man?
Audra: Boxers or briefs, it doesn’t really matter. Commando is kinda….tacky. (wrinkles her nose)
Lucinda: Are you kidding?? COMMANDOOOOOOO! I think doing that helps guys to ‘air themselves out’ anyway, know what I mean?
Audra: I’m gonna put some duct tape over your mouth in a second…
Q: If your partner wants to seduce you, what’s one sure fire trick he/she can play?
Q: If your partner wants to seduce you, what’s one sure fire trick he/she can play?
Audra: When he kisses my neck, the backs of my knees or the bends of my elbows. That always makes me melt.
Lucinda: Eh, you like all that lovey-dovey stuff. All mine has to do is pinch my butt. It doesn’t take much. *grins*
Q: What is the one place on your partner’s body that you know will drive them wild--in and out of bed?
Audra: Well, he loves it when I run my fingers through his hair. Hell, I love doing that to him, myself.
Lucinda: When I play with his sack. (Audra cuts Lucinda another look) I’m serious! Sorry to be so blunt but, all I have to do is tickle, grab or fondle it, and he’s putty in my hands. (gives a wicked grin)
Q: What was one of the most embarrassing things your author did to you in Diary of a Vampire Stripper?
Audra: Sticking me with a boyfriend that farts. (Lucinda falls out of her seat in laughter)
Lucinda: Forget lighting matches, you could probably use his ass as a blowtorch! God, he could make birds drop out of the sky if he wanted to!
Audra: Lu, he can’t help it!
Lucinda: I keep telling ya, you need to invest in some Bean-o, or Gas X….or somethin’! It’ll help keep his fumes down! Either that, or duct-tape his ass shut! Then again, if you do that, he’ll probably explode, so…never mind. (Laughs again)
Audra: (covering Lucinda’s mouth.) Moving on……
Q: Anything else you would like to add?
Lucinda: (waving her arms around) The truth is out there! Believe the conspiracies! Invest in tin foil hats or risk getting your brain scrambled!
Audra: (looks to the ceiling) She is SUCH a conspiracy theorist….
Thank you Audra and Lucinda, for joining us on 'Meet the Character' day here at Dawn’s Reading Nook Blog. Please find Diary of a Vampire Stripper by Cinsearae S. at https://www.createspace.com/3778782 in print, or at Amazon.com for Kindle, http://amzn.to/SrITEI.
Diary of a Vampire Stripper by Cinsearae S.
GENRE: chick-lit/dark comedy/paranormal romance
Her best friend is a werewolf. Her boyfriend is a ghoul. And she really, REALLY can't stand her vampire husband.
Trying to juggle college tuition and rent, young Audra Perez seeks a fast fix to her financial woes by auditioning as a stripper for the Hoochie Coochie Club. What she didn't expect was to actually be chosen. Barely a few months into her new job, she becomes acquainted with a mysterious, distinguished gentleman by the name of Darren Von Eldon, and they secretly begin dating against club rules. Then one passionate night at his beach house changes Audra's life forever.
Now as a newly-awakened vampire, this only adds to her day-to-day mundane burdens. Refusing to drain humans, she hunts birds for nourishment, and finagles a way to avoid going to classes during the day. But bigger problems loom ahead. Radical cops that know about her kind roam the night, seeking to destroy any and all 'monsters', and her best friend's family has a bone to pick with Audra's. Headless bodies are turning up on vamp and were turf, each side blaming the other for the murders. It's up to Audra and her friend Lu to figure out who's doing the killings, and their search leads them beneath the city streets to encounter an abomination neither one of them will ever forget.
And the relationship issues? Well, it's not easy dealing with a boyfriend and a vampire husband, so let's not even go there...
Life’s a bitch, and then you DON’T die.
Visit http://bloodtouch.webs.com/doavs.htm for chapter downloads, buy links, a character quiz, trailers and more.
(To avoid confusion, “Claudia” is Audra’s stage name while she works at the club.)
A half hour later, Josh strode up to the counter. “I want to take you out to dinner.”
It wasn’t a polite request, that’s for damned sure. It sounded more like a demand. I gave a cruel laugh as a reply.
“Seriously, Claudia. I want to take you out to dinner! No jokes, no pranks. One dinner date. Please?”
“So you do have manners.” I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him, fixing myself a small, mixed drink. Lucinda was currently tending to another private room customer, so I was alone for the moment.
“To make up for my past behavior,” he continued, sounding a bit apologetic. I glanced back at him, noticing he had folded his hands on the counter.
This guy had to be some sort of nut case. “I bet there are a lot of squirrels looking for you,” I said, raising my eyebrow in suspicion.
He wrinkled his face up, puzzled at my statement. “What?”
“Never mind.” I went back to fixing my drink.
“My treat, of course, and your choice of restaurant.” His voice sounded a bit eager this time.
I turned back around. “No,” I said plainly. “I don’t know what your game is, but your wires are definitely tangled, dude.”
Josh looked puzzled again, his expression a bit frustrated as put his hands on his hips. “Huh?”
Arrogant, plus a complete tool! Wow.
I waved him off. “Forget it. No deal. Over my dead body. Nuh-uh. Nada. Hell no. Have I made myself clear?”
Josh paused, his expression showing total surprise. “So… you don’t want to go out with me?”
If homicide was allowed, he would have been six feet under ages ago. Something truly was not right with this guy. There was an underlying weirdness that I felt when I was near him, and it was not cool.
Lucinda passed by the bar on her way out of the hallway, saw Josh, and stopped.
“What’s going on?” she asked in her overly-chipper voice.
“Nothing,” I replied, taking a sip from my daiquiri. “He was just leaving.” I dropped the tone of my voice, but knowing Josh was an anal-retentive nut bag, my hint would have went right over his head.
“I’m trying to ask your friend here out on a dinner date,” he said, smiling at her. I made a noise of disgust and turned my back to him again.
“Really?” she continued in her play-acting voice. “That’s so sweet of you!” She turned to me, now. “Why won’t you go out with him?”
“Yeah, why not?” Josh added.
I couldn’t believe the idiocy of the current situation. Why Lucinda was trying to get me hooked up with Josh was one thing, but him playing right along with her in such a chameleon-like fashion unnerved me.
“You two are not gonna gang up on me about this. The answer’s still no.”
“But he’s trying to be nice to you, now. Give him a chance, Claudie.”
“Yeah, give me a chance,” he piped in.
For a fleeting moment, I envisioned myself reaching over the bar, twisting Josh’s head clean off of his neck, and watching his blood spurt from him like a fountain before I rammed one of the beer tap nozzles up his head and turned it on full blast, just to watch the beer spurt from his ears, nostrils and mouth, while his eyeballs popped out from their sockets from the force. I saw myself holding it high over my head like I’d won a trophy, beer spewing from his cranium into the crowd, everyone in the club clapping and cheering for me.
I shook that wild vision out of my mind, coming back to the here-and-now. I saw Lucinda making all sorts of facial expressions and nodding in his direction while he wasn’t looking. She was actually serious about me going on a date with him. I hoped she had a damned good reason for this…
“Fine. You win. Make it for Friday at seven; I don’t have to work that day. Meet me at De Louise’s Italian Restaurant on Chestnut Street.”
“Yes!” He gave a gesture of conquest, and as I saw him pump his fist downward, he hit himself in his own balls with his elbow. He dropped to the floor as Lucinda and I gawked at him in total amazement.
“What… an… idiot,” she said, and I was glad he couldn’t hear her.
“Spaz seems more like it,” I replied, shaking my head.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dark Paranormal Romance/Horror author Cinsearae S. is the creator of The ABRAXAS Series, and BOLEYN, Tudor Vampire, a Top Ten Finisher at the Predators & Editors Readers Poll in 2010. Diary of a Vampire Stripper was also a top ten finisher at the 2012 P&E Readers Poll. A digital artist, jewelry designer, and still-photographer, she is also Editor/Publisher of award-winning, Dark Gothic Resurrected Magazine. She received the Author's Site of Excellence Award in 2007 from Predators & Editors, and is a Cover Artist for Damnation Books and independent authors. Her website also won a Golden Horror Award from Horrorfind.com. Shop owner of Mistress Rae’s Decadent Designs on Etsy.com, (Search: MistressRae13) she specializes in Steampunk, Halloween, Victorian and Gothic-inspired, jewelry, accessories, creepy dolls and more. Her store won the 2012 Fright Times Award for "Best Horror Collectible". You can also find her on Youtube/Twitter/Facebook/Goodreads/LinkedIn @ Cinsearae.
An avid fan of 'old school' horror movies and their villains (Freddy, Jason, Michael, Pinhead…) Halloween is her favorite time of the year, and she keeps her house decorated year-round. She has always been drawn to the flipside of life -- the supernatural, odd, bizarre, Gothic and 'darkly beautiful' always being an inspiration to her. She lives with her husband and two rat terriers, aptly named Hades and Chaos.