Saturday, October 6, 2012

It's Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I am reposting a blog article that was posted at It's Raining Men Anniversary blog event. I changed a few words and all for this month's Domestic Violence Awareness  Month posting.

I normally don't do serious posts here but this is one thing I feel passionate about. There is help out there and if you are in a relationship that causes wounds-physical, emotional and mental-there are ways to escape, to find help for you, your children if you have any and you will make it. You are stronger than you think. I escaped a domestic violence relationship and I know you can do it too. 

It took me awhile to figure out what to write about for today. First did I want to write why I love reading M/M stories? Already did that last year. What about what makes a good book to me? Nope did that post as well. *sighs* Then I read a book that hit home to me in ways I thought I put behind me.

I read Andrew Grey’s A Helping of Love a few months ago. It was a wonderful story by a masterful writer who touched on abuse of one character-physical/emotional and I could totally relate to that character. Russ was a character who I knew intimately. He was slowly torn away from his family, friends and isolated in a world where his boyfriend was the center of the relationship. It wasn’t a 50-50 relationship by far. When Russ broke free, I cheered. When Russ took a chance on love with Peter, I cheered even louder and when Russ began to see that he is a viable human being that deserves happiness, well let’s just say my honey looked at me quite funny when I shouted “Good for you Russ”. You can not imagine the conversation I had after that to explain why I was shouting that of all places in the bedroom. *giggles*

I normally do not talk about my life before my honey, mainly because I made my peace with what happened and know if I revisit it, I get nightmares. Frankly I don’t dwell on it at all. But this story had me remember the pain, the fear and the isolation Russ felt in the story. I remember reaching out for help, only to be told by family “I made my bed, now lie in it”. It took me finally not allowing my daughter of almost two years old, who saw her daddy beat the crap out of me when I was 6 months pregnant with my son, to say enough was enough. I took my time, made my plans and when the day came 5 months after my son was born, I ran and never looked back. The choices I made during those hard years after I left my ex-husband were, by no question, easy at all. I wrestled with my choices, tried to move on even as I started divorce proceedings, reestablished my support system and made damn sure my kids were safe and happy. It took 4 years for me to be whole again, for my daughter’s nightmares to stop and to let myself fall in love again.

My honey, Chris, of six years is one man who took a chance on me-baggage and all. He understood what little I told him about my past and knows that I literally built my life up from the ashes because I didn’t have anyone to do it for me. It was all up to me. With each page I read of A Helping of Love, I found myself cheered that if I got out of an abusive relationship, then so can others. I get the “You could have left anytime” sentence sometimes but unless you lived in an abusive relationship then you have no idea what it entails. The constant belittlement, the isolation as your family and friends disappear and your desire to escape only to be told no one will help you because you are worthless. The beatings. The constant phone calls to keep tabs on you and by god, if you didn’t answer the phone at the time he calls, god forbid when he comes home. It’s easy to say ‘get out” if you never lived my life at that time.

I don’t regret my kids-what I do regret is wasting time on a man who didn’t deserve me. I love my life now-with a man who loves me-warts, extra 10+ pounds and all, two kids who are happy and well adjusted and a career that continues to grow each month. Do I have regrets of my past? No because I can only look forward and see a bright shiny rainbow that I made waiting for me. I escaped and through sweat, tears and smiles I made a life that is filled with love, happiness and shows my two kids that love isn’t full of pain.

Andrew Grey’s book, A Helping of Love, made me see that more clearly and for that I am grateful to him. He showed me that though life can throw lemons at you, it’s up to you to decide what to do with them.

Dawn Roberto is the owner of the Love Romances Café Yahoo group, senior reviewer for Love Romances & More Reviews, and does online promotion/marketing for a variety of publishers and authors. She also enjoys chatting on facebook with friends as well as letting her blog followerors drool over the latest mancandy pictures she posts there.

You can find her at:
Love Romances & More Reviews:
Dawn’s Reading Nook Blog:


Milly Taiden said...

My heartfelt congratulations to you for having the courage to leave. For thinking of your children's safety and for cutting the chord tied around your neck. A lot of people in that situation are too afraid of having to pick up and deal with the unknown. I say nothing can be worse than what they're dealing with. I applaud you and hope that your future continues to smile at you and your family.

Louisa Bacio said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Dawn. It takes an incredible strength to leave, and even more to share yours in support of others.

J.S. Wayne said...

The difference between a survivor and a victim is that the survivor has the strength to leave, the courage to forgive themselves for being in that situation, and the will to be a voice so others can find the same. I'm sorry to hear what you went through, but you came out of it a stronger person. That's what matters.


J.S. Wayne

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