I normally don't do serious posts here but this is one thing I feel passionate about. There is help out there and if you are in a relationship that causes wounds-physical, emotional and mental-there are ways to escape, to find help for you, your children if you have any and you will make it. You are stronger than you think. I escaped a domestic violence relationship and I know you can do it too.
It took me awhile to figure out what to write about for
today. First did I want to write why I love reading M/M stories? Already did
that last year. What about what makes a good book to me? Nope did that post as
well. *sighs* Then I read a book that hit home to me in ways I thought I put
behind me.
I read Andrew Grey’s A Helping of Love a few months ago. It
was a wonderful story by a masterful writer who touched on abuse of one
character-physical/emotional and I could totally relate to that character. Russ
was a character who I knew intimately. He was slowly torn away from his family,
friends and isolated in a world where his boyfriend was the center of the
relationship. It wasn’t a 50-50 relationship by far. When Russ broke free, I
cheered. When Russ took a chance on love with Peter, I cheered even louder and
when Russ began to see that he is a viable human being that deserves happiness,
well let’s just say my honey looked at me quite funny when I shouted “Good for
you Russ”. You can not imagine the conversation I had after that to explain why
I was shouting that of all places in the bedroom. *giggles*
I normally do not talk about my life before my honey, mainly
because I made my peace with what happened and know if I revisit it, I get
nightmares. Frankly I don’t dwell on it at all. But this story had me remember
the pain, the fear and the isolation Russ felt in the story. I remember
reaching out for help, only to be told by family “I made my bed, now lie in
it”. It took me finally not allowing my daughter of almost two years old, who
saw her daddy beat the crap out of me when I was 6 months pregnant with my son,
to say enough was enough. I took my time, made my plans and when the day came 5
months after my son was born, I ran and never looked back. The choices I made
during those hard years after I left my ex-husband were, by no question, easy
at all. I wrestled with my choices, tried to move on even as I started divorce
proceedings, reestablished my support system and made damn sure my kids were
safe and happy. It took 4 years for me to be whole again, for my daughter’s
nightmares to stop and to let myself fall in love again.
My honey, Chris, of six years is one man who took a chance
on me-baggage and all. He understood what little I told him about my past and
knows that I literally built my life up from the ashes because I didn’t have
anyone to do it for me. It was all up to me. With each page I read of A Helping
of Love, I found myself cheered that if I got out of an abusive relationship,
then so can others. I get the “You could have left anytime” sentence sometimes
but unless you lived in an abusive relationship then you have no idea what it
entails. The constant belittlement, the isolation as your family and friends
disappear and your desire to escape only to be told no one will help you
because you are worthless. The beatings. The constant phone calls to keep tabs
on you and by god, if you didn’t answer the phone at the time he calls, god
forbid when he comes home. It’s easy to say ‘get out” if you never lived my
life at that time.
I don’t regret my kids-what I do regret is wasting time on a
man who didn’t deserve me. I love my life now-with a man who loves me-warts,
extra 10+ pounds and all, two kids who are happy and well adjusted and a career
that continues to grow each month. Do I have regrets of my past? No because I
can only look forward and see a bright shiny rainbow that I made waiting for
me. I escaped and through sweat, tears and smiles I made a life that is filled
with love, happiness and shows my two kids that love isn’t full of pain.
Andrew Grey’s book, A Helping of Love, made me see that more
clearly and for that I am grateful to him. He showed me that though life can
throw lemons at you, it’s up to you to decide what to do with them.
Dawn Roberto is the
owner of the Love Romances Café Yahoo group, senior reviewer for Love Romances
& More Reviews, and does online promotion/marketing for a variety of
publishers and authors. She also enjoys chatting on facebook with friends as
well as letting her blog followerors drool over the latest mancandy pictures
she posts there.
You can find her at:
Love Romances &
More Reviews: http://loveromancesandmore.blogspot.com
Dawn’s Reading Nook
Blog: http://dawnsreadingnook.blogspot.com
3 comments:
My heartfelt congratulations to you for having the courage to leave. For thinking of your children's safety and for cutting the chord tied around your neck. A lot of people in that situation are too afraid of having to pick up and deal with the unknown. I say nothing can be worse than what they're dealing with. I applaud you and hope that your future continues to smile at you and your family.
Milly
Thank you for sharing your story, Dawn. It takes an incredible strength to leave, and even more to share yours in support of others.
The difference between a survivor and a victim is that the survivor has the strength to leave, the courage to forgive themselves for being in that situation, and the will to be a voice so others can find the same. I'm sorry to hear what you went through, but you came out of it a stronger person. That's what matters.
Best,
J.S. Wayne
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