Sharing from the Sin-Sin in Cinderella Series.
FEGHOOTS OUT AND ABOUT HAMLET
3
The
people of Hamlet were adaptable and resilient.
Times for some were difficult.
They did what they must. The
church and charity services were hit the hardest. The food pantry was down to nuts and berries
for the critters, which only the females truly enjoyed except for the
occasional happy sort. Most male
creatures preferred anything that had a fishy scent. Humans had to content themselves with
partridge. (For those of you who read anything salacious in the fourth and
fifth sentence, shame on you!)
Some
Friars wanted to do more for their flock, their sheepeople, but the collection plates were sparsely filled. Aye, along with their vows of poverty, simple
lifestyle and lack of gainful employment meant that their supply of available
funds was, to say the least, meager.
They sold the occasional nut bread or extra tomato, but that was
pittance.
Nevertheless,
they put their weirdly shaved heads together, nay, not to slow dance but to
dibble ideas off the other's backboard.
One suggested a cookbook, How to
Stew, Fry, Roast, Bake, Stuff and Dress a Rabbit, but the Association of Bugs
Bunny Enthusiast and Ear Wax Collectors protested. Another idea was a
fashion show, believing the lasses from the nunnery would participate. They refused on grounds that their habits
would not be suitable. The monks didn’t quite get it, for they thought the gals
were talking about their habit of nail biting.
Woe-be-gone, they left the nunnery after giving them a scroll with the
name of the nearest Nail Biters Anonymous Meeting Palace and Hand,
Foot, and Other Parts Massage Pallor. Then they consider a calendar. That was poo-poo-ed
for the obvious reasons, All the King's
horses and All the King's men Fire Department and Those Who Swing Heavy Hose already
did one. Another suggested a babysitting
service, but some locals were reticent letting their young boys around
religious dudes. Right or wrong they
understood the fear. One came up with
the idea of opening a small florist shoppe. They reasoned that they could grow
most of the flowers on the church grounds, steal some in the name of the Lord,
and what they couldn't grow or coerce, they could likely pick from the
surrounding countryside. Cheers
arose. They danced. The piper piped. The painter painted. The window washer washed. The scrubbers scrubbed. The prayers prayed. The chamber pot keepers shat. The outhouse diggers dug. The fishers fished. The boot shiners shined. The Monks visited the nunnery to share their
grand idea, hoping to party like it was Balling time. The gals were all off getting cured of their
nail biting and having their ears cleaned.
Since
they had little to eat for a gala, all celebrated this grand idea with the vim
and vibe of their calling, or the calling that the head monk decided they
should have. Considering this monk was
second cousin fifth removed from the famous detective TV land, (just follow the
commercial road down yonder, just right of Foot Rubbers, Hand Massagers, and
Tasty Treats Café) he ran a neat and tidy ship.
Aye, the monastery looked like a ship, beached just outside
Rub-a-Dub-Dub Hamlet. You see the wives
of Three Men in a Tub were fed up with their mates hanging out in the tub on
the river all day and pulled the river’s plug, which drained away to Water
World, the newest Amusement Park addition.
But we digress.
They
had a plan.
One
day a week Cinderella helped as a substitute ho-er. Hos and
ho-ing were needed. Only problem with
Cindi being there was that the lads, guys and knights who were volunteering
their time got little done. Cindi adored
the attention and would at times take pity on them and give them her full
attention centered around that one organ the male population most wanted
attended to, nay, not that organ but their stomach. She made them all heart and liver stew for
lunch.
As you
can probably guess, everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God and their
little business flourished. Dinner
tables were more attractive, homes smelled more wonderful, dates were made a
bit more woo-ey, and crown bags
filled. The monks began to make
monastery repairs, fill their pantry with food, buy cows to milk, turkeys for
gobbling, seeds to plant, and chickens to lay.
For those of you with muddy minds, we meant laying eggs.
Anticipating
Lancelittle's upcoming Ball greed bit.
So much so that the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. Publically complained. None listened. Ran advertisements in the Hamlet Readery and Backup Tablecloth. None acted as if they cared. The owner, O'ver deTopp, asked the good
fathers to close their little shoppe of horticulture, but their flower business
was filling the purses, providing them with much-needed crown for their
good works. The Friars refused. Friar Tuck Disdare hand gestured,
"Nay!" Their vow of silence
forced the use of sign language and Disdare was from the street, so we know
what gesture he shared.
deTopp
returned again, re-begging the Friars to close.
By this time, they had tired of the competing florist's constant whining
and they ignored him. Showing him the talk to the hand sign.
The
disgruntled florist asked his mother to go and ask the Friars, she an avid
candle lighter, hoping she could persuade the Friars. They ignored her, too.
By
this time, the florist was nearly bankrupt, claimed so but he had been hiding
money since he opened so not be taxed, and in desperation hired Hugh E.
Deweynlouie, the roughest and most vile and vicious thug in Hamlet, to convince the good clerics to close.
Hugh
E. being a man of few morals, questionable ethics, and even fewer religious
convictions, had not the ethical problem with his assigned task. He relished it as he might a devil dog from Jed's
House of Weiner Dogs and Leashes. The Friars were thoroughly beaten. Bastard!
The flowers stomped. Cold arse
hole! And he trashed their store. Prick!
(He was a known thorny sort, infamous for his bristled personality)
He
departed with a stern warning wagging his finger, (Some say it wasn’t a real
finger, but a rubber one with a tiny inserted vibrator that was used for
polishing his cart, boots, and other manly things. The dames and damsels just adored that finger
as well, for shinning their mirrors, of course.
What did you think?) that he’d be back if they didn’t permanently close
the shoppe.
Terrified,
the Friars did so immediately, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist Friars.
As a
footnote: deTopp was caught for tax
evasion, he turned state's evidence and rolled over on Hugh E. to reduce his
sentence. The friars re-opened and
Cinderella goes there once a week to ho.
***We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who writes us at writingteamcw@yahoo.com (Write - Blog Dawn - in subject line) and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a free ebook (choose erotic or romantic thriller) and add you to any future mailings.
Angelica Hart and Zi ~ Vixen Bright and Zachary Zane
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